Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Christina
Wild ...... please stop and breath just take a deep breath.
You just saw your T and she pointed out that you are likely just follow a pattern that is embedded, you can recover from that, yes it’s going to take work and it’s going to be hard, very hard at times, but your very strong, even when you don’t think so.
You also complained a lot about that other job, you struggled there just as much ( just by what you were posting here) you called off sick a lot and was very worried you would be fired over it many times.
I’m going to be a bit blunt....I’m not blowing off how your feeling but just want to give you a few things to consider/ keep in mind.
You can indeed be a teacher, your just needing to change the way you feel about yourself, change your reactions, that IS an attainable goal.
Your in a different living situation than in the past, you live on your own now with RS, you said that money will be tight from day one when you and RS decided to get your own place, if you blow off this job and take a lower paying position .. think very deep about that, being strapped to the max and struggling to pay bills and keep food on the table is going to cause another huge stress.. That kind of stress in the past has put you IP before, numerous times. It could also possibly put a strain in your relationship with RS.
I fear your going to jump before you really look and think and land in something that is going to be causing you even more struggles.
Disability ?? Yeah it’s possible, but it can take ... yes ... months to years, how can you pay your bills with little to no income while you wait? Can RS cover all your living expenses? Keep in mind until you get approved you won’t have insurance, I know your waiting now until November, but it could be a long time without, how will you be able to continue to see your Pdoc and T and get your medications?
I know right now you feel frantic and I hate that for you.
Remember you JUST promised your T you would go to work every single day, maybe focus on that promise.. it will keep you being accountable for advice and homework your T gave you..
Do a pro/con list.
Sit down and find out exactly what your monthly bills truly are, then add on meals out or on the go, gas, winter is coming so include also roughly how much more your going to pay for heating. Are you still smoking ? That’s a big expense to factor into it all.
It’s possible once you see everything on paper it will help you decide if you really can take a lower paying job.
I have faith in you that you most certainly can be a teacher in the position you have now
Don’t shoot your own foot off by not really looking at the big picture. Look before you leap  |
Thank you Christina. I just feel that after four teaching jobs, and having this happen in every single one, this proves that it’s just too stressful for me. I am indeed frantic, as you’ve said. I don’t deal with depression and self harm urges very well. As for the other job, the one I had last year, I only had two short lived episodes of depression while I was there. I used all my sick time but that was partly because I had to have back surgery. That took up half my sick time right there.
My T is right, I’m just not sure I’m cut out for how hard the work is going to be. I’d rather feel like I can breathe and wake up every day. I’m not sure. If I take the lower paying job, I can still pay rent and buy groceries. I just won’t have any money for extras. RS makes enough to afford to take us out to eat once in awhile but I hate not being able to contribute so I don’t like to do that.
Thank you for your perspective. I will certainly keep it in mind. I don’t want to go on disability just yet, I think i can hold down a job, just maybe not this job.
I will try to calm down and look at the big picture.