Quote:
Originally Posted by theoretical
She snatched your wallet so that you couldn't pay for your own food? Well that's just weird. Why would she insist on paying for the whole meal? And then throw a fit about it? Honestly, I would've been pissed at her for taking my wallet, regardless of her intentions.
I decline a lot of offers because I don't like to be indebted to anyone, particularly not with anyone who's deceptive with their dealmaking. Some people offer their help supposedly out of sheer generosity and don't ask for anything in return, but they expect something in return nonetheless. They'll grow irritated if you don't play by these unspoken rules, and then they get all passive aggressive. Basically, you're entering into a verbal contract with someone without knowing the terms because they refuse to tell you, and you have to guess what it is they want in return for the help they offered.
A quid pro quo arrangement, on the other hand, I'm all for.
Disclaimer: I have several issues with trust and control which should be taken into account regarding the above statements.
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^I agree with this! But, it’s not necessarily a bad thing; just the way people interact.
It is a very subtle thing of how to know when to accept and how to reciprocate, or when that is not necessary.
Sometimes, someone will do something for you and say you don’t need to pay, but they want to feel appreciated, so a little gift may make them happy.
Sometimes you need to make very clear that you are paying for something you want, like the burger, so they don’t think they are getting the bill.
Sometimes when I go out with friends, we either get separate checks or split the bill, or I’ll pay this time and then you pay next time. I’ve asked the waiter for separate checks when going out with several couples. It feels awkward, but then nobody resents whoever ordered more.
You can definitely refuse a favor from someone when you don’t trust their motives, or when you don’t want to feel obligated in any way.
But, I think, to generally refuse help, as a rule, isn’t a great thing to do either. Trusting and accepting help to a point is healthy, so is being trusted and helping others.