I am sure you did the best you can. Most parents do. She's 20 so her successes and failures are on her. Don't let her talk disrespectfully to you. She can leave (you can give her notice with an appropriate amount of time to prepare) or talk nicely.

I was reading horoscopes today. One said:

let the day pass and don't let your heart feel anxious about situations, circumstances or people that you have no control over. You can love from a distance and realize that each person has their own journey. Yours may be to love and to let go at this time.

As a mother of two children in their 20s, I try to remind myself to do this everyday.