T I've had a really bad day although it turned out okay in the end. I nearly lost my dog. It ended well but so nearly didn't and it got me thinking about loss again. I'm so scared of losing you. I know that ultimately we lose everyone because it's the nature of life but I can't stand the thought of losing you in particular. It's a comfort to me that others feel intense attachments to their ts and struggle with wanting to be near them. I wonder if I would pay just to be near you when alls said and done. That would be pretty crazy wouldn't it...yet I can see myself wanting to hang on because there's something about you that I can't imagine finding in anyone else, not even myself. Some days I miss you so much it hurts and yet even though I'm scared of our next session due to what I've sent you, I'm still desperate to see you because I know what I've said is okay with you and we will get through it. I know you won't reject me or hurt me in any way - not intentionally. I just wish you could fill all the emptiness inside me but I know you can't. I know that isn't your job and it's probably mine. You play a small role but the rest is up to me. Some days I'm not sure I want to. I just want to be with you.