I’ve been away for awhile again because I was just feeling so frustrated. Well in the last few weeks I’ve lost about five pounds. I am eating less because I am depressed but I’m also making smarter food choices.

I’ve mentioned this in the daily check in but I am having a lot of symptoms of diabetes. I am worried because I am about 75lbs overweight and diabetes runs in my family. I feel terrible physically right now. I am exhausted (though part of that is depression), I’m thirsty all the time, I’m starving all the time, I’m peeing all day and all night...I could go on. I won’t have insurance until nov 1 so I can’t see my primary dr until then. So I have decided to try my best to keep my carbs under 120g and eat healthier in a effort to curb these symptoms. That’s what my mother in law who has type 2 diabetes does.

So I am back with you all to try to be accountable for these changes. I feel my very life hangs in the balance now, as my father died at only 48 from complications of diabetes. He was type 1, but still. As suicidal as I might feel at times, I don’t actually want to die. Especially now that I have a loving boyfriend who is talking of marrying me one day, and of course my son. I owe it to them, and myself, to be healthy.