Some things today were difficult and triggered shame and frustration in me.

I had to get my car tires replaced. It was expensive and I wasn't expecting to have to do it this weekend. My mom left me a check in case something did happen to my car this weekend, bc we knew the tires were bad, and my parents were going out of town.

I'm glad she left the check. I had to use it. But I also feel very embarrassed that I'm an adult and my parents help me out. I'm also frustrated that I do not have any money. I don't have a job, and I'm disabled at this time. It was also SO expensive. Probably because of where I went. But at least I have good tires now.

I also have no idea what the **** I'm going to do with my life. I'm doing well mental health wise, but today I feel my lack of direction holds me back.

Someone suggested I take classes to become a peer specialist through a free online program where I live. I think its a GREAT idea. I don't have a computer of my own though, and I'd have to go to the library, which is not a bad idea, I've done it before, but there's also something about...I think I don't have motivation. I also just really want to do it at home. Not at my parents or the library where there are distractions.

I felt really down earlier. Now after drinking some frozen coffee (haha) I feel a little better. I don't know if its good to rely on caffeine for mood or not. I just started and I like it though.

I will be searching for a job later this year, early next year. Right now its more important to me to build my resume and get more serious about showing up and committing to my volunteer commitments.