My sister sent me an email saying that my brother wants her to go visit my father in the hospital, and that she doesn't wish to go. Firstly, she has an injured leg. Secondly, she, like me, has no clue what she'd say to our father. Like me, she feels it is a potential fool's errand. However, my brother does have the lion's portion of the responsibilities, in terms of my father. We know our brother is stressed. He works full time on top of it. I do feel for my brother. I may go see my father if for no other reason, than to relieve my brother. Actually, my brother hasn't bugged me to go, even though he did call to give me our dad's room number.

My dad is not in a dual diagnosis or psych ward. He's in a regular hospital room. Every time, almost, he goes in with alcohol-related breathing problems. Then, he goes home and does nothing different at all. I quoted to my sister what Albert Einstein said, that " The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results."

If I go to see my dad, I cannot give him sympathy if he has no desire to help himself. His doctors there have already heard the story. There's nothing new to tell. We're done begging him to seek aftercare, to no avail. What really does he want from us? I could ask him that, but it sounds like a rough question, indeed. He's not a juvenile and is not yet to a point where we should treat him in any such way.

My dad is an incredibly fickle person. He'll say he wants aftercare one moment, then the next day he doesn't. This has happened so many times that we no longer believe him when he says he wants help. He needs to make changes, but doesn't want to change. The sad reality is that deep down he'd like to travel back in time over 15 years ago, when my mother was still alive and fairly healthy. Hey, I wish my mother was still alive every single day. I wish my nephew was alive every single day. I still sometimes even grieve my paternal grandfather who died when I was only 9 years old. I know my dad still grieves the loss of his father, too. The fact is, loss is a very very hard blow to people's wellness -- especially when you are vulnerable to significant destabilization because of it. Acceptance is tough. Moving on in a positive way is tough.