RS and my son and I went on a mini road trip to the shore last night for our favorite bbq place. It was very good. I had shredded bbq chicken with no bun and about half my tater tots, keeping the carbs down. It was nice driving for awhile with the windows down, listening to music and holding RS’s hand. It really lifted my mood for awhile. I am back to feeling ****** this morning after having nightmares about work but I am going to see my grandparents today insteAd of moping at home so that’s good. I hope I feel better after that.

I am so sick with anxiet about going back on Tuesday. I hope I calm down. I don’t want to show up a huge mess. I wish I could make this work. The money is good. But I don’t think money is worth sacrificing my mental health.

I still want to hurt myself. I promised RS I wouldn’t though. If I do I know it’ll be bad enough to need medical attention and then I will be hospitalized. That’s no good.

I still need to focus on doing what my T Told me to do. It’s very hard. I didn’t do so well with it last week. I’m going to try my hardest this week.