Well, I called my father who is again in the hospital. As I feared, I started to yell at him because he continues to lie, lie, lie, and act like a juvenile, and say that he's going to repeat the same insanity again. In the end, I told him that I cannot call him again or visit him until he is out of the hospital and sober, and seeking intensive psychiatric and addictions support. I did apologize for yelling at him, but told him that we cannot accept his continued behavior. I asked him why all of this upsets my siblings and I so much. He said "Because you love me." Well, of course!

I called my brother afterwards, and then my sister, and told them that I will not be calling or visiting our dad at the hospital. I've got to say I feel intensely bad for my brother. I told my brother that, but that I need to take care of my own mental well being. I thanked him profusely for what he's been doing and reminded him that he can come to my house any time, as much as he wants, and I will do my best to support HIM (my brother). I reminded him that my sister would surely do the same. My brother has gotten intensely upset, too, and has likely yelled at and lectured my father even beyond what I have. My sister is much more level tempered. I did ask if my sister could find a way to talk to our dad's doctors. Right now, neither she nor I have the permission. She knows better what questions to ask them, compared to my brother. Unfortunately, my sister has had to deal with both an alcoholic (my b-i-l) and a very mentally unwell son, who tragically took his own life because of bipolar depression. The latter event will always be a severe wound in the hearts and minds of us all.

It is intensely difficult to see a parent slowly killing themselves. My siblings and I don't know how much longer our father can keep this up. He's in his late 70s and looks extremely unwell, has more difficulty walking, and many other scary signs. I've written this before, but I want something to happen differently.