Well... there are actually at least 3 different issues here... (maybe more?) In your title you asked about respecting boundaries. So that's one issue. You talked about being needy & clingy. So that brings up the question of attachment styles. You also mentioned your alcoholic father. So that raises the issue of being a ACOA (adult child of an alcoholic). Plus you mentioned having a hard time relaxing as well as being paranoid. So that's yet another issue. (I'll leave that one for another time.) Here are links to a selection of 8 articles, from PC's archives, though on the first 3 of these subjects just to (hopefully) get you started:

What Are Personal Boundaries? How Do I Get Some?

Why Healthy Relationships Always Have Boundaries & How to Set Boundaries in Yours

Keeping Good Boundaries & Getting Your Needs Met

Flexible Boundaries: Affirming Ourselves While Staying Connected

What's My Attachment Style and Why Does It Matter? | Happily Imperfect

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...achment-style/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/children-of-alcoholics/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...oholic-parent/

Best wishes...