I've honestly thought about starting therapy for this but right now I don't think I can afford it, but I really am desperate for some help. I don't know what to do.

For as long as I can remember, my dad has randomly done/said things to hurt me. If I listed everything that he did, I would be writing for a while... But I feel so guilty because he has provided for me, but I realize that doesn't excuse him from hurting me.

I graduated college almost a year ago and am moving out on Tuesday. Almost every time I talk about the move or my excitement for it, he will say something negative. I've heard:

"I'll give it six months and you'll come home."

"I'm worried about you getting a credit card, I know you aren't good with finances."

"You're not an adult."

"You don't have a credit score." When I replied that I do, and how else would I have been able to get an apartment, he said, "Anyone can do that. It's a rental."

I finally said something tonight when he told me that I wouldn't be happy anymore after Tuesday (the day I move out). I told him how it hurt my feelings and it made me think that he didn't think I would be successful. His response was that he can't say anything without me being upset, that he paid me through college and has done everything for me but apparently that's not enough. I told him I'm allowed to tell him when something hurts my feelings.

That's about it. He's mad right now and I'm a mixture of extremely sad and guilty. I started hyperventilating and (I think?) had an anxiety attack but I don't really know. I just feel numb right now. If only y'all knew how much stuff like this happens and how I just can't take it anymore.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.