I am sorry you are struggling with these things, @jaymoq. But let me just point out--and I don't mean this in the pejorative, condescending sense, I mean it in a positive, supportive sense--you are still quite young. I know you are not feeling that way, but the world is your oyster. You could do anything, at your stage of life. Virtually anything. Sell the ranch. Move to Europe. Get a different job. Be full-time at the ranch. Go back to school. Become a chef or an artist or a musician. Or, you could be a mom. Lots of different ways to do that, but you do not have to have a partner to be an awesome mom. Just ask moms.

Personally, to me, it sounds like sort of what needs to happen is you need to make a list of what you want to do. Prioritize it. Then, go make it happen. You are not ever going to have these young years back again. Once they're gone, they're gone forever. If you want to be a wife, then be a wife. If you want to max out your career, do that. If you want to raise kids, then do that. If you want to blow glass, blow glass. Just do it.
All I did was work during those years. Then, when I was supposed to begin enjoying the fruits of my absolutely insane work history and the enormous sacrifices I had made over many years, then, I became psychotic. The party was over. Now, it's all illness all the time. I guess what I am saying is, if I had known back then what I know now, I never would have worked so much. Would have chosen a completely different occupation. And I would have enjoyed those years. Had fun. You are still at a place where you could make that sort of decision. I think you ought to do just that.