All previous Ts ended in bad ways...well except the 2nd T.
First T ...as a early teenager hated her
2nd T ...as a late teenager i liked. Did contact her about three times, and is open to me stopping by when i am in town. I dont live in the same state so not very likely to happen. But i saw her last about 8 years ago or so.
3rd T ...in my 20s had an intern ...okay. didnt really connect with
4th T ...still in 20s another intern...did not connect
5th T ...part of me liked her and part of me didnt. And it ended badly ...got a restraining order..lol
6th T....she told me i am burning her out. Ended badly too. And almost got a restraining order
7th T...didnt click with her after first session, tried 3 still nothing..
8th T after first sesson said she would not see me unless i stopped drinking and gambling..i was drinking maybe 1 weekend a month and gambling 1 every three months. I did like her approach to treating DID, but she wasnt going to have it.
9th T....is current T. I see her 2x a week for 5 years and this year its been moved to 1x a week. Its hard to adjust to still. I know i am attached and dont like to admit it or talk about it with her. I at times want to hug her, which i have done in the past, and she is okay with it, but i feel so uncomfortable now. I know i want to hug her and either just sob in her arms at times, or hug and never let go. I fear that in me. That it will and has opened up this deep desire to attach so deeply i would never let her go. Its only when i am not in my most adult state of mind. DID and BPD is what i have.

Will contact be allowed after therapy ends....most likely not. I know i will be devastated and have decided after her there is no more.