I have a lot of stuck energy it seems.

I completed some of my little goals this weekend, but it gave me little satisfaction...perhaps because I’m on the verge of a shift, or growth and that feels more important than my little goals.

I feel so powerless. And I am getting very tired of if that feeling.

I feel like I have more potential than I exercise. My confidence level has always been dismal so I think that keeps me stuck, My mind has always been more active than me. I feel frustrated trying to articulate the concepts that are in my mind. I am so frustrated I could scream. But I am so patient and content! I cannot connect myself.

I feel like I’m wasted potential. I think I want to be and could be a part of something meaningful, but it feels like I’m stuck in limbo. I can understand that I do and have plenty compared to some and at the same time I do and have little compared to some, including my peers. But people get out there and I can’t. I show up for obligations and then I’m spent.

I could stick my neck out more, but then again...

I have always felt the yearning to do more, but no passion. Compulsion drives me, not passion. I have visions of what I want from time to time, but I do not know what these visions are based on. For example, for several years I envision a shelf full of binders or books that I have created, but all the time my mind imagines different contents of the binders and books. It changes so often, and I might create content, but i fizzle out. I just don’t see the point. Perhaps because I think that what is on the shelf has no audience, or I worry about burdening whoever may inherit the fruits of my labor. I also envision showing my sculptures or reading my poetry, but again, I wonder what’s really to gain? A “good job” or a “that’s lovely”

I grow a garden, and I delight in the effort, but then what happens if I don’t tend it! It will become overgrown and someone will slash it down.

I rationalize away my passion. I’m an artist and creator but I can be so practical it’s painful.

I think I must be burned out. I have toiled a lot and I wish I could just research and give ideas, ask questions, brainstorm and collaborate. Design. Create. I am wasting my time so often and I can’t stop myself from doing it because I have nothing I’m passionate to spend my time on. It’s all work. All I see is work.

I am so bored!!! And I feel so guilty admitting that!