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Old Sep 30, 2019, 05:53 AM
Lonelyinmyheart Lonelyinmyheart is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,093
Quote:
Originally Posted by just2b View Post
All previous Ts ended in bad ways...well except the 2nd T.
First T ...as a early teenager hated her
2nd T ...as a late teenager i liked. Did contact her about three times, and is open to me stopping by when i am in town. I dont live in the same state so not very likely to happen. But i saw her last about 8 years ago or so.
3rd T ...in my 20s had an intern ...okay. didnt really connect with
4th T ...still in 20s another intern...did not connect
5th T ...part of me liked her and part of me didnt. And it ended badly ...got a restraining order..lol
6th T....she told me i am burning her out. Ended badly too. And almost got a restraining order
7th T...didnt click with her after first session, tried 3 still nothing..
8th T after first sesson said she would not see me unless i stopped drinking and gambling..i was drinking maybe 1 weekend a month and gambling 1 every three months. I did like her approach to treating DID, but she wasnt going to have it.
9th T....is current T. I see her 2x a week for 5 years and this year its been moved to 1x a week. Its hard to adjust to still. I know i am attached and dont like to admit it or talk about it with her. I at times want to hug her, which i have done in the past, and she is okay with it, but i feel so uncomfortable now. I know i want to hug her and either just sob in her arms at times, or hug and never let go. I fear that in me. That it will and has opened up this deep desire to attach so deeply i would never let her go. Its only when i am not in my most adult state of mind. DID and BPD is what i have.

Will contact be allowed after therapy ends....most likely not. I know i will be devastated and have decided after her there is no more.
I'm sorry you've had such bad experiences with endings. The attachment is incredibly hard and it's so easy to feel overwhelmed and want to be near a t all the time once it kicks in. What is needed is a very experienced and boundaried t to help manage these feelings and sadly that doesn't seem to be the case very often. I completely relate to your description of how you feel with current t as I feel exactly the same re wanting to sob in her arms and not let go. It's unbearable sometimes. I hope you might be able to talk to her about it if you haven't already. I'm slowly starting to and it's horrendously difficult and awkward but I think over time it lessens the pain of the feelings because they are getting air time.
Hugs from:
just2b
Thanks for this!
SlumberKitty