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What I wish is that I had not had to take so many meds to find the few that really worked. A few years ago I wrote out a list of all the medication I've either tried or stayed on and it came to around 35 meds. That made me feel sad and worried.
For the six or so meds that have really helped, though, I am grateful for them. I suppose that, like almost everyone with BD, I would love to live in a perpetual state of mild hypomania. But that, of course, doesn't work. Before too long I've morphed into a vile mania or into a deep depression.
My personal goal with meds is to be stable and to allow some of the "nicer" hypomanic tendencies to have at least a bit of say in the matter. I do not, for example, want to lose my ability and will to be creative.
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