I feel like I’m stuck in this cycle where sometimes I’m feeling really bad and I’m seriously thinking is it safe for me to live alone, but every time when I reach the point: ’’Now I’m going to tell someone’’, I’m feeling good again. I can stand in the kitchen not being able to move and I just feel it’s okay and life is good and everything is wonderful.

This is also the reason why my doctors appointments doesn’t usually help ’cause I don’t seem to be in much trouble. Like once I missed my pretty much sure diagnosis of achalasia (swallowing problem) because I described my situation much better than it actually was.

Because I can’t get out of this cycle, I just wait. I wait until things are getting out of control. It’s so stupid and I don’t understand myself. I don’t know what to do.