I agree a diagnosis is important, so you know what's what.. and what isn't
I thought I had bipolar for about a year, and stressed out over it a ton.. turns out I didn't, so getting a diagnosis will help you avoid 'barking up the wrong tree' i presume is what you mean Snap66.

I've been diagnosed, there is precious little information on this illness.
Things like this small thread are incredibly valuable for someone such as myself. Partly as 'all the information' out there is rehashed. The same thing said over and over again - just copy pasted and paraphrased a bit.
Anectdotal information is what I'm looking for as research isn't particularly forthcoming and all the while I'm suffering in silence.
This does lead to the problem of anectdotal reports being anecdotal.
But without them, you can read wikipedia or a paraphrasing of wikipedia...
I want to know how real people are effected by this, in their own words... so I can try and relate and understand what they're going through,,,, so that I may come to realisations about myself and how this disorder came to be and how it influences my life.

I can totally relate to never experiencing intimacy on any level in my family.
My parents were together for 19 years of my life and I've never once seen my parents kiss or even hug.
I too thought this was normal. The normal. I figured everyone was so guarded and ashamed of love, or scorned it.... I think I may have come to think of needing love as a shameful self-indulgence as a result..

I've strived for love,,, and missed every time. I don't even really know what it is... I never received it.. not in a manner that was 'digestible' never witnessed it being given between members of my family.
Yet I really care about other people, so much - I want to be there with them and for them. I think I could love others much more than myself.
Somehow through my childhood experience I learnt I was un-loveable..
I went through CEN like more than 50% of people with AVPD have done.

It makes sense - the above; that being attuned to the needs of others and having high levels of empathy - in an environment were those things were deemed worthless or just not even on the radar of importance..
Would leave you feeling like your love and care and desire to connect with others; was a flaw, or that you were so flawed that regardless of your desire to connect - you were not desirable, and so your desires to connect were just fantasy and no one else shared your fantasy.
If that's who you were and it was totally shunned.... .then naturally you would internalise this as a failing on your part.
As when we are young we don't have the capacity to blame our parents.... we don't even have the 'theory of mind' until we're 8 years old.

So personally I completely agree with this. It makes sense and feels very familiar. I feel like my interpersonal 'social tendrils' / desire to connect have been burnt, scarred.....
I felt so rejected in all my attempts to connect with another, that I decided it was my fault..... that I was truly un-loveable or undesirable. And so I avoid all interpersonal contact on anything but the superficial as I'm sure I'll be rejected.
I can trace this directly to my un-loving family home.
It just makes sense. And it's ****... I hate that my life is like this.