Feeling low today but the self harm urges aren’t as strong. So at least I’m calmer. I had off from work for Rosh Hashanah so I mostly slept. Took my son to school at 7:30 (before care), got a bagel, ate it, went back to bed from eight to two. I would have stayed in bed longer because I woke up very anxious but I had to put the rent check in and get cat food. So I went out. I got the grocery shopping done and I even did my laundry. Didn’t manage to do any cleaning but it is what it is.

I’m nervous about work tomorrow. I’m not sure how I’m going to feel. If I feel like this I’ll be able to make it through. I have to make it through no matter what, I can’t keep taking time off. I left work early on Thursday and Friday and came home and slept. That’s no good.

I blew my carbs pretty badly with the bagel and then I just had tortilla chips and salsa for lunch. So I ended up getting a pumpkin spice latte on top of it. I shouldn’t have that much sugar but oh well. I’ll be under my calories at least.

Sigh. I hope I start feeling better soon. I don’t like being so down. I know it’s wearing on RS. He wishes he could fix it for me. I keep reassuring him it’s not his fault and all he needs to do is remind me how much he loves me and give me hugs. That’s all he can do and it does help.