Hello breewiz: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.

I'm sorry I don't know as there are any particularly useful suggestions I can offer. I think your husband's situation is one he, perhaps, needs to discuss with his current therapist in an effort to find a workable solution.

One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Partners of People & Caregivers forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/partn...ivers-support/

You might also like to read through some of the posts in the BPD forum:

https://psychcentralforums.com/borde...lity-disorder/

And then here are links to 8 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of BPD:

Borderline Personality Disorder: Symptoms & Treatments

Men Can Have Borderline Personality Disorder, Too

Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

https://psychcentral.com/blog/living...lity-disorder/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/loving-...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...sorder-part-1/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-gift...lity-disorder/

Also here's a link to a book (for sale on Amazon) that may be of interest to you:

https://www.amazon.com/Hard-Love-Und...fXxg&slotNum=0

I hope you find PC to be of interest.