It seems like perhaps we have similar struggles, @Cardooney. I, too, don't really know how to spend my time efficiently. I have ideas but I don't feel like I'd be good in any of them. I keep askng myself "What's the point?". I'm not sure if you can relate. Either way, it must be REALLY HARD for you to get through ALL of this ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN and I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're HURTING AND STRUGGLING SO BADLY! I TRULY, REALLY AM! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! @bpcyclist gave you some WONDERFUL advice. Just try to understand what you may be interested in doing. So yes, definitely follow @bpcyclist's advice and hopefully things will start to get better for you REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SOON! I hope you'll be able to find the motivation that you NEED and DESERVE! EVERYTHING I'VE JUST SAID IS ALL ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY TRUE AND YOU ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY KNOW THAT'S ALL ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY TRUE AS WELL EVEN IF IT'S ALL DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU BECAUSE IT ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY IS! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME when you need someone to talk to or vent to or even some advice and support! I'LL TRY TO GET BACK AT YOU AS SOON AS I POSSIBLY CAN! I PROMISE YOU THAT! YOU CAN REST ASSURED OF THAT! I am SURE plenty of others will ALSO GLADLY, BEAUTIFULLY, GENEROUSLY, KINDLY, CARINGLY, DEEPLY, SWEETLY, SMARTLY, INTELLIGENTLY, WISELY AND WONDERFULLY HELP YOU OUT AS WELL IF YOU JUST ASK! THAT'S A PROMISE! YOU CAN REST ASSURED OF THAT! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Cardooney, your family, your friends, your Doctors, your Therapista and ALL of your Loved Ones! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're HURTING AND STRUGGLING SO BADLY and that you're GOING THROUGH ALL OF THIS ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN! I TRULY, REALLY AM! PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP HOPE NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK? PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS!