I'm so sorry you're going through all this pain. I don't know what to say that will help you but keep posting here, you're not boring anyone
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MzJelloFluff said:
i really loved him and the feelings didnt go away.

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I can relate to that. My opinion and experience has been that even after getting divorced and many times being angry at my ex-h that there is a part of me that will always love and care for him. I think that is ok, but I haven't talked to T about it yet.

Could you do something extra nice for yourself tonight? hot bath, good movie, glass of wine???