My Support Forums - View Single Post - Obsessed with my sons therapist for over a year

sarahsweets · Oct 01, 2019 at 03:18 AM

Hi @EllieGreene- I wanted to share some thoughts and I want you to know that I am not judging you or think you are a bad person.

Quote:

Originally Posted by EllieGreene

I am new to this therapist forum but feel strongly about sharing my experience. I have felt so thankful that my son found a therapist that he likes and who he feels listens to him, that I became obsessed with his therapist.

Obsessed is a big word, a power word.

Quote:

obsessed
An obsession with something is an unhealthy, extreme interest in it. When someone is obsessed, they've lost control of their feelings about the object of their obsession. The adjective obsessed is often used to simply mean "very interested," but when someone is truly obsessed, their interest has become compulsive, and they've begun to lose control over it. The Latin root is obsessus, or "besieged," and when you're obsessed, your mind has been besieged by uncontrollable thoughts of something.

Definitions of
obsessed
having or showing excessive or compulsive concern with something
“was absolutely obsessed with the girl”
Synonyms:
haunted, preoccupied, taken up
concerned
feeling or showing worry or solicitude
influenced or controlled by a powerful force such as a strong emotion

Is this really what you mean?
or could it be infatuation?

Quote:

infatuation
Infatuation is falling in love with or becoming extremely interested in someone or something for a short time.

If something infatuates you, it has caused you to become foolish. We say you have an infatuation when you express a crazy, extreme love of something––a person, a style, a band, anything. Infatuations usually don’t last. Like incredibly intense crushes or the stomach flu, infatuations come on strong and then get forgotten.
Definitions of
infatuation
1
na foolish and usually extravagant passion or love or admiration
Type of:
passion, passionateness
a strong feeling or emotion

Quote:

I have been married for 29 years and never, ever cheated on my husband. Since I said “I do” I have been faithful. I have had little crushes but just brief ones that burned out easily on their own. This was different! I have been fantasizing about this man for over a year. This crush gave me tons of energy and motivation to look my best because I wanted him to notice me and want me. What fun I’ve had getting ready to see him or imagining that maybe I’ll run into him somewhere. He was always on my mind. My sex drive improved and that was a positive for. My marriage.

I think this is concerning. The fact that it went on so long and under the pretense of your son's therapy is concerning. The fact that you were able to maintain this focus for a year means that for that year your husband wasn't really experiencing you as present. I would really recommend you consider therapy (not him) to find out why this happened and also why you have had other crushes. I have been married 24 years and never had a crush on another man. I would be so upset if my husband had a crush on a girl. It doesnt matter that they went away or that there was no physical stuff- the energy you were experiencing is something you should consider exploring. Something in your life is not fulfilling you if you are having crushes and an obsession with a man for a year.\

Quote:

Sadly, this can’t be sustained without seeing him. Since my son is moving on to another therapist (too complicated to get into why) I am left without fuel for my fantasy. I was beginning to worry about how my self focus might effect the relationship between my son and I.

Did it affect your relationship?

Quote:

I liked his therapist so much! I have to give this up but leaving this behind fills me with loss. An empty space. A very sad place. It’s a kind of death and yet it was never truly alive. It wasn’t real, it was all in my head. I’ll feel better in time.

The feeling of loss is real, and really you should consider professional help to work through it.