I know first hand how this feels. Only after being in pain for years about my children's choices after they graduated from hs did I realize I had to let go. I am not as close to my children as I once was because my family's situation forced me to toughen up. You are much tougher and wiser than I am from my POV but IMO, you have more work to do grieving and accepting how it turned out. Only after you cry enough about it will you be able to let go. Some of us almost love our children too hard but they are adults now and, they, not us, are responsible for their choices. It is hard to witness because we gave them many opportunities. Hopefully, they will figure it out someday. In the meantime, we have our own lives to live. I am beginning to focus more on my own life rather than my childrens. It is my hope and prayer that you will be able to do more of this soon. I AM sorry about all that has happened with your daughter. I think of what went wrong with me and my family as a tragedy--not something to be ashamed of. I realize that I need to keep a certain distance because I am so emotionally enmeshed. That doesn't mean that I don't love them with all my heart as you do. Hugs.