Hi Sarah,
you're still in the early stages, right?

It seems to me like you've arrived there with a set idea what "relational psychotherapy" must look like. And now you're struggeling with your disappointment that this T doesn't seem to be what you've expected her to be.

Why not ask her about her approach of doing therapy? Why not try to find out more about what she might be doing or not doing and why? Maybe your idea of relational psychotherapy doesn't quite add up with what it really is? Which wouldn't really be this T's fault. But just something to discuss together.

I'm not sure whether it's the same or similar thing: My T practices interpersonal psychoanalysis which is very relationship-orientated. And it is not exactly feelgood or cozy, to be honest. It's very much about my ways of relating (or not relating) to other people. And T pretty often reflects on what I'm doing in that regard or not doing, to make me realize that I'm not a lonely island, but that my actions (and non-actions) pretty much always affect the people around me. Ultimately it's all about learning to relate (both to myself and to others) in more healthy ways. And it's not always pretty, the stuff that tends to come up in that context...

I've been with that T for about 18 months now. The first 12 months 1x per week, since last December twice weekly. And it's only in the last 2-3 months that I feel that we've entered some sort of relationship-level. Might be due to my personal set of problems, but it takes time. And in the beginning I was very unsure whether this was a good idea. In fact, I can remember her being pretty reserved and distant (almost blank slate-ish) in the first few sessions. I asked her about it later on, when I started seeing her twice a week. And she said that in those initial first sessions she tries to get a distinct idea of my way of relating to others. So she holds back a bit more that she would normally do, in order to find about about my style of relating without too much interference from her side.

I don't know whether this T works in a similar way. Might be worth finding out, don't you think? But maybe in a way that doesn't judge her right from the start? Because if you want her to validate your feelings and your perceptions, maybe a good starting point would be to adapt an open and non-judgmental attitude towards her and her way of doing her job?

Don't let this initial disappointment get the better of you straight away. Maybe it's worth taking a step back and trying to explore (maybe with this T) what is happening (or not happening) there in this room between the two of you.

Good Luck!

[Edit: typos]