Wild coyote, my continued support as you go through this awful time. Sometimes we do not know how strong we are until we are forced to be. You are quite strong!

I am still feeling down, but the fog seems to be lifting a little bit. I think the worst of the episode has passed. I still do not want to go to work, but I am not feeling as desperate to get away. The self harm urges have mostly gone. I’m starting to think if I can just make it through this week I will be able to rest and pick up next week with actual lesson plans. I’m hoping this is true. I still think I would go back to my old job if I could but that doesn’t seem to be an option. I am not planning to return to school, however. So I will lose this job at the end of the year no matter what. And I am ok with that.

I am so very tired. Exhaustion is a symptom of both depression and diabetes. Since both MAY be at play here, it’s hard to know what way I should go. I will be going to my primary care dr as soon as I am insured. Until then, I will try to slowly change the way I eat. It’s a tough road, because I am so used to eating junk. But it must be done.