It seems like you're experiencing anxiety because you're afraid he's going to leave you. I believe you've mentioned this yourself last time. My advice would be to wor with an experienced Therapist and perhaps a Pdoc if you need it. That way you'll be able to work throughout ALL of this, ESPECIALLY if you're experiencing abandonment issues that come from your Childhoos! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you and your boyfriend, @Disney2019, and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking!