I spent the weekend with my youngest at college and left this afternoon to return home. About ten minutes after I left my spouse called and said he had something sad to tell me. I screamed and told him not to tell me something bad happened to my puppies. (my dogs aged 8 to 9 months). He told me that he was putting the dogs in the car to go for a run and the baby ran into the road and was killed. I screamed at him that he killed my puppy and he started screaming at me saying that he walked to the end of the drive and was calling her and a van came and killed her. I screamed more. I called my dog's breeder and was sobbing badly and told him what had happened and that I was soooo angry with my husband. He talked to me for a long time telling me that it was an accident and that it wasn't hubbies fault. I went to town and got drugs and went to his house and spent about 3 hours in the dog house with him and 2 litters of pups,and all of his adult dogs. I picked out a puppy as I had been planning on another puppy.

We talked about death and loss. This man had become my friend in the last 7 months. I told him about my losses of the animal kind. He told me of his. I cried. He told me not to go home angry with spouse as it would hurt more in the long run. I told him that everytime I was away from home something bad happens. It is true and my animals are my babies now and i love them so very much. I take good care of them and spouse's dog too. I am so much more careful. But he told me to let the anger go. i did not want to go home even to see my other 2 dogs.

I am home now and I know to some this is trivial. To me it is not. Animals have always been my friends and in childhood they were murdered without conscience. I could not look at my husband. he buried her. I had yelled at him to bury her as I do not do dead animals. He looks drawn and pale. I told him we could not speak of fault. It would hurt us. She is dead and I am so sad. I do not know who can understand my pain. My dogs live my inside life with me. They are my closest friends.

I hurt so much right now. I am eating some crackers as my stomach turned with my meds that are 4 hours late. Pain meds. My daughter is still sick and my spouse is an airhead and my dog would be alive if..... I had been home.