Saw my T a few hours ago. It was helpful to discuss my Lithium taper. Today I finally feel good. The three weeks of ‘mixed-like’ symptoms that led to me being moderately suicidal are over.

However, feeling that bad again (I have been episode free since March)scares me. Lithium worked great at reducing my impulsivity and reactivity. That stopped me impulsively harming myself. Lithium saved my life. So if I have another full blown mixed episode I will be even more vulnerable to suicide than I already am. Unfortunately the side effects are more than I’m willing to put up with so I have to try to get off of Lithium.

This is a difficult choice. My T is supportive but also made the risks clear to me. He also suggested trying to simply lower my dose to a place where I no longer get side effects but still have some positive effects. That may not be achievable as my blood levels would be out of the therapeutic window. See my pdoc tomorrow to discuss the whole Lithium thing.