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sarahsweets · Oct 02, 2019 at 09:25 AM

Hey @MrsA-

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Originally Posted by MrsA

1. Several times a day, my sister will spill food or knock something off a shelf or kitchen counter (one of the reasons I suspect she has ADHD)

I am just curious about this. I didnt think clumsiness factored into adhd diagnosis. Can you share more on this?

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3. Then she leaves the mess for me to clean up.

It sounds like if you do not clean up after her she will just leave it. So I would clean up the mess and put the mess on her bed or in her room. If she wants to live in filth and not clean up after herself then she needs to keep it in her room and close the door.

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4. And she walks away feeling like a victim

Let her feel this way. You cant control what she feels like and you cant be sure she feels like a victim-she could feel self righteous or angry, superior- it doesnt matter because it is not your fault.

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This doesn't make sense. If she doesn't have to clean up when she spills things, what the **** is she angry about?

Obviously there are no consequences for her actions. Do you have to live with her? Do you own or rent? Who pays the bills?

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I don't know why I didn't realize this until today. I think that if I have to clean up after her accidents, I should get the swearing rights.

I disagree- swearing still doesnt solve the problem of you cleaning up her messes even if it will temporarily feel good to serve it to her. Like I mentioned above, create natural consequences for her. Everything to her room.

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I know a lot of people will judge me for responding to negativity with negativity but I think the only thing that will curb her verbal abuse is to get a taste of her own medicine.

No judgement from me. I would have lost it long before you. But just try and look at what you want to accomplish- changing the behavior. Will cursing back at her make her clean up? I doubt it. Will it aggravate a volatile situation- absolutely.

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If she yells curses before I can stop her, I'm going repeat whatever swear words she uses in a mocking voice like vice principle Nero in The Austere Academy (Lemony Snicket character).

I really think you should reconsider this option.

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I'm tired of living in dread of verbal tantrums and having to pick up after a 40 year old toddler. I'm seriusly thinking of trying to get court ordered mental health screening if the unacceptable behavior continues. It has to be illegal to make other people live in your dogs waste. And when she leaves things on the floor, she steps on them over and over and has huge tantrums about hurting her feet but can't learn to pick things up or walk more carefully. This sounds like a mental illness doesn't it?

It does sound like a mental something...getting the authorities involved depends on who has rights to where you live, if she is a danger to herself. Have you ever called the police on her?