Thank you so much for explaining about your internal world with 7 lands you have an amazing internal system

PTSD yes I have a type of PTSD called Acute Stress disorder, America does things differently than some other coutries, here we don't have the ……..diagnostic labeling...…….called Complex PTSD. the problems and symptoms exist but the diagnostics are more individualized where each person can have CPTSD but its called different things depending upon how the problem affects that persons life. my individual combination of CPTSD symptoms and how they affect my life adds up to acute stress disorder. in short what that means is I have a history of long term trauma that rears its head then fades out for a bit then rears its head again then fades out then rears its head....and the duration is short term each time it happens. something in the present may remind my brain of something in the past which brings on flashbacks, panic/ anxiety/ attacks, nightmares.

related to my alters no because all my alters have been integrated and have been now for 10 years, as you will see when you read my integration thread. I had / have a great treatment provider who helped me through the process each time the memories/ emotions/ events that was dissociated/ became my alters were back in my conscious awareness (not dissociated any more)

for a time yes it was a bit of a struggle knowing and feeling everything that was dissociated (in other words was my alters sense of agency) but now no I do not have trouble with storms now that everything that was Rainy is integrated. in fact I have more understanding and control then I did when everything that she was, was dissociated. for example when it storms I actually know why storms used to be so upsetting and why I had my dissociative symptoms, I can say to myself that was then this is now, look at how beutiful that over there looks in this storm. wow that was a nice bolt of lightening. storms no longer cause me problems because everything Rainy was, is now who and what I am, those are my memories now.

the PTSD thing for me is like walking down the street I may see someone that looks or smells like my abusers which for a moment like non dissociative people who have gone through abuse will do, have that quick moment of anxiety, and that situaiton may cause me a few nights of nightmares.

but because I am integrated I now while fully aware have all the information and skills needed to handle situaitons that would have other wise sent me into dissociating .

someday once you are fully integrated you will understand this part of the process better. I say once you are, not in the frame of mind of disregarding the fact that you dont want to fully integrate, but more because at some point in a persons life, and that point is different for everyone, they reach a point of no return where they have healed so much that their brain whether they like it or not does its automatic functions called flight or fight, instead of flight (dissociation) the brain refuyses to switch over to the unconscious storage called alters. why because while fully aware a person has all the knowledge, information and skills.

I think of that point like doing math. at frist when one doesnt know how to add, subtract, multiply divide, the brain does its thing of panic, and run away from doing the homework and math class (derogotory word of choice) but then by the end of that school year what happens, hey math class is so cool I know how to add, subract, multiply, divide, I dont panic anymore I dont avboid it, I just do it like this, and someone comes along who is having trouble with it now Im the one saying here do it this way. then the next school year begins and with out a thought to the world adding, subtracting, multiply and dividing comes naturally with no brain action of flight, just fight (see math equasion and pencil in hand and doing it. no problem at all)

one thing people do when they have DID is hit the internet, researching, joining online groups and what happens, their brain is accumulating all the information and skills about DID and how to handle things. they enter therapy and do CBT, DBT IFS and other therapies and they say I never want to integrate all my alters, but because they have accumulated all this information and questions and answers and therapy this and therapy that the human brain does what it naturally does. puts everything together, what was dissociated becomes undissociated. just the natural process whether we choose or not.

you can see this even in your post to me where you said the integration happened unconsciously. you didnt plan for it to happen it just happened. someday near or far even though you say full integration is not your "goals" it will happen for you unconsciously/ naturally. I think you already know that other wise you would not have said it happened for you unconsciously.

thats how it happened with me, I had absolutely fought the idea of integration as you will see in my integration thread. but it happened with out any planning on my part, nor wanting it to happen. my brain just did its natural brain functions and when my brain had all it needed in the way of skills, and knowledge to do so, it stopped routing my functions through to the dissociative storages that many call alters.