Jello, sounds like you loved him deeply and that he did help you some when you needed it. Unfortunately the down side of this relationship is very toxic, his help came with a price. I can remember one post where he was holding all of the things he supposedly did for you over your head and discounting your own efforts. This is not love on his part. Unfortunately during down times its easy to remember the good and the bad doesn't seem so bad. Do you have any old journal entries you could review to remind yourself of why the relationship failed? Maybe in reviewing your past writing, you will accurately remember the good and bad and also remind yourself of how far you have come since then.

Try to do something nice for yourself...(((Jello)))