Before my diagnosis, I knew that I had periods (episodes) that were quite serious, but I would always brush them after afterwards, to varying degrees, as almost a "brain flu". Then I considered them gone. But they kept coming back , intermittently. However, during my very worst years, the illness did consume me. I'm not exactly sure I'd say "I was my illness", but the whole being consumed by it, was similar.

I still have breakthrough episodes a lot, especially hypomania. I also consider my baseline mood/personality as being pretty high energy, half glass full (upbeat), humor loving, and expansive, so who I am as a person may seem influenced by bipolar disorder to some. I can say that I am not a depressive person by nature. When I'm depressed, unmotivated, low energy, it's NOT me. Nowadays, I can better recognize when I'm becoming more high energy than usual, but not always and sometimes it take a little time for the light to go on that my illness is kicking in.