My Support Forums - View Single Post - Don't feel like anyone will believe me

sarahsweets · Oct 03, 2019 at 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ewd2014

I don't know if this ever will be read but here it goes..
My therapist has feelings for me, and I don't know what to do, what to feel, and I feel so alone and stupid

She's been my therapist for about 5 years. A couple of years ago I started noticing small things, how her eye lashes were going off, I was amazed how a human being could blink so many times. Body language etc.
I took that to heart and swallowed whatever I was seeing.
It really messed with my head, am I attracted to her, but I can't feel it? Am I so out of touch with myself I don't even know? I thought about it alot, do I want her? I'd rather be with her than no one, but I'm not in love, I'd take her over no one.

I do not want to sound like I do not believe you but I am struggling how you can assume by her blinking and body language that that translates into feelings for you? And the fact that you say you would rather have her than no one speaks to how much you value her.

Quote:

About 1 year ago I feel in deeply in love with a woman, and it took a while for me to open up about it to my therapist, and when I did she responded "Oh, I'm used to that" She thought I was deeply in love with her.

She may have incorrectly assumed you meant her but does that translate into her having feelings for you?

Quote:

After that it's just gotten worse, and I ignored her signals and body language, since we have not done anything inappropriate, this is a fact.

Can you explain more about her body language and signals?

Quote:

But just before she went on vacation she said "If you can't GET I like you, how will you EVER understand a woman likes you?" It was inappropriate, but I admire her honesty. And it was helpful for me because it helped me understand I was not crazy for seeing all these things my intuition was telling me.

That sounds like a positive therapisty thing to say. Of course she says she likes you, she wouldnt work with you if she didnt. I feel like she was using herself as an example of how you might miss certain cues.

Quote:

I think she feels unappreciated and unattractive. I remember when I told her about a woman at my workplace which everyone says, and which I see also, is crazy about me, but I have no feelings toward her and I'm afraid I'm gonna hurt her. I told my therapist about this scenario and her words were "Oh, is she THAT unattractive you're not even flattered?"

Is it possible she was trying to help you see the positives about this person?

Quote:

I took this as a self-reflection from her part, since I had said nothing about this persons looks, and I've explained how one of the things that shook me with the woman I met before was how she was one of the most unattractive human beings I had every laid eyes upon, yet somehow the most beautiful human being on earth which took me along while to process. She ought to know looks is not an issue, nor does she have any hints as to what I think about the woman at work's appearance.

What do you mean by "self reflection on her part"? And since you are able to determine that a woman was one of the most unattractive humans on earth then you are somewhat affected by looks.

Quote:

And the question I ask myself is, why am I still in therapy? I'm not helped by therapy, quite the opposite. But I haven't lost the spark for it. I kind of know this person, I know she won't accept talking about this topic, I know I have to wait 45 minutes before I can have any sort of meaningful conversation, I like how she looks at me, I like how she gives me special treatment. I admit to it. I think I'm curious what will become of it. I think I'm just pushing boundaries at this point. I do feel bad for it. I've tried other therapists, but I loose interest, they don't challenge me, nor does she, other than I'm willing to push through her cold shell, just so see what lies beneath. I'm like that, I'm curious see what trues lies within people. And so I've gotten stuck in the same position in therapy as with all others.

I think you definitely need therapy and I think you should see a male therapist.

Quote:

I'm sorry for the long text, I think i'm mentalizing. I'm still not sure what to make of all this, I don't want to quit, nor do I want to stay. I want her to be like the first year or so, all the flirting has been tiresome, yet alluring. I'm curious how she can be so cold, yet so hungering for more. The sessions are supposed to be 45 minutes, but we are up at a record-breaking 90 minutes for the last few weeks. Part of craves the attention. And part of me thinks it's all wrong.
Thank you for listening.

I do not know what her deal is but whatever it is its clearly harming you. Whether you did or didnt misread signals is irrelevant. its taking up too much space in your head.