I had never heard the term "manic depression" before my diagnosis and definitely not bipolar disorder. I knew I had had episodes of anxiety, depression, elation, and extreme mental agony (mixed features) but looked at them as brain flues or situational strong responses. Other manic behavior? I had little insight into it. It was me and justified. It always eventually eased and I never expected it to return, but it did. Again and again.

I did seek help now and then but improper help with no follow ups, until the psychiatrist who diagnosed me. He saw the change from depression to mania. Upon diagnosis, I basically gave him the finger and didn't return until I needed my first hospitalization. I actually acknowledged my alcohol abuse first. That's so common!