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*Beth* · Oct 03, 2019, 06:07 PM

I want to thank each of you, you've all been incredibly insightful and helpful. Clearly, there's plenty of experience with psychiatrists here

So I went to the appointment and told her that I was concerned about our session on Tuesday, and had left the office feeling very upset. To me, she seemed to be taken off guard and a bit shaken. (I firmly believe that not enough people speak out to pdocs and therapists - then the mental health professionals wonder why people stop coming. Well, if people aren't heard - or if, when they explain what's happening for them they get lectured to, are they inclined to return?)

She actually tried to change the subject. I went with that for a few minutes, then brought the dialogue straight back to how upset I was about what I felt was her shaming me. I also asked her what she suggests I should do in case of a genuinely bad med reaction on a week-end (which for her is 3 days of every week).

She denied that she was trying to shame me, but admitted that perhaps she had heard more clearly about the changes I'd made with the Abilify than about the reasons for which I made those changes.

As for what to do about the 3 day week-ends she nodded, that's true, that's true...and told me that I can always go to the ER. And I said that unless I admit myself IP (which I won't), no ER doctor is going to make a med change.

She nodded and yawned (she always yawns when she's uncomfortable).

Then she vaguely commented something about realizing that there might be times when I do need to make a small change myself, blah, blah...

Whatever. I am proud of myself for being upfront instead of canceling. She can be an excellent doctor, and she can be a serious jerk. One action I can take is to being a little notebook in with me and write down the key points of what she says, checking with her that they are correct. That way she can't deflect or gaslight (the "I think you were having a difficult day and misunderstood me" BS).

So I left feeling somewhat disappointed with her, but strong in myself. I'll see her Tuesday afternoon; it'll be interesting to notice her behavior that day.