Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins
What exactly has your son done that you consider selfish and hurtful, tarring and feathering you, hateful? It is hard to know if your reaction is proportional to the actual offenses or if this is your perception and emotional reaction that might be somewhat out of proportion.
I say this because you say you are having panic attacks and talk about being brought to your knees, and I know your son is about to get married and you don't like his fiancee. So, it seems in the realm of possibilities that perhaps your reaction is complicated by the idea of your son moving on with his own life and that you feel abandoned which can trigger very intense reactions like panic attacks and feelings of persecution for some people.
Do you have a therapist who you can talk through these intense emotional reactions with? If your son is pulling away when you are reacting this way, it may be because he finds your emotional reactions far too intense or perhaps manipulative. I'm not saying they are, but that may be his take on those reactions.
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Your thoughts are completely valid and my apologies to all for not listing all the specifics. Let’s just assume that all I am saying is accurate and true.
My feelings are not at all triggered by that he has found his love and is marrying, thus leaving me feeling abandoned. He’s had a steady string of gf’s, my youngest son has a serious gf, I have no issues with them and am happy for my sons to be happy.
Yes, his fiancé did and said many hurtful things. I’ve been reeling from this whole thing for a year now, trying to figure out what is happening. Red flags! The bottom line is, his fiancé set out to eliminate his parents and he went right along with it. I am sitting here questioning myself if he ever loved us at all? This is a son who I have had a completely wonderful relationship with until a year ago.
But, it really went bad a few years ago, I just had no clue. He was getting all worked up behind our backs as she (I am sure it was she) put thoughts in his head to alienate him against us.
He threw things at us that he thought were bad that we did as if to justify his really bad treatment of us. Those very few things were merely good parenting decisions, for good reasons, which we gave in and let him do anyway. He was just deflecting in throwing them at us, and we had to defend ourselves for each action (like only two!) in all his years on earth that he could find to use as ammunition.
