Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins
What exactly has your son done that you consider selfish and hurtful, tarring and feathering you, hateful? It is hard to know if your reaction is proportional to the actual offenses or if this is your perception and emotional reaction that might be somewhat out of proportion.
I say this because you say you are having panic attacks and talk about being brought to your knees, and I know your son is about to get married and you don't like his fiancee. So, it seems in the realm of possibilities that perhaps your reaction is complicated by the idea of your son moving on with his own life and that you feel abandoned which can trigger very intense reactions like panic attacks and feelings of persecution for some people.
Do you have a therapist who you can talk through these intense emotional reactions with? If your son is pulling away when you are reacting this way, it may be because he finds your emotional reactions far too intense or perhaps manipulative. I'm not saying they are, but that may be his take on those reactions.
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When I first posted about this, I remember you said, ‘Don’t go to his wedding being miserable’. You were right, and I have heeded that advice.
I know you go to a wedding to celebrate with the bride and groom. If you can’t feel celebratory, you just don’t go. Of course, I don’t want to dampen their day.
My h and I tried to get them to do us one small concession so that we could attend in peace. Any other son would have instantly said yes in order to let his parents feel comfortable, but our son stonewalled us on an answer since April and ultimately said no. He does not care to have us at his wedding!
Now he won’t take our calls at all and said we ‘won’t be talking for a long time’.
So, what I wrote about humbling ourselves to crawl over glass for him isn’t even wanted by him. He’d rather have nothing more to do with us.
For someone, supposedly with abandonment issues, I have been abandoned quite a lot and have handled it actually well considering.
I’m not sure what is going to happen. I take this hour by hour.
I pray he has a happy, healthy life. I have no idea the reasons these things happen, but I trust there is a master plan for why. I certainly don’t want to bother him and keep him from his joy.
I am thankful that, at least, this happened to both me and my h. This actually brought us closer. Could that be the master reason?
I pray I one day have a great relationship with my son and will gently keep trying to reach him as time goes on. What else can I do?