My whole life has been affected and regrettably I have deeply affected others. My entire family carries fear that I will relapse and I hate that I caused that for them. It is unfair and I wish I could fix it. I especially hate (and I don't even like hating anything) that my kids carry fear. They shouldn't have to live like that and I am supposed to protect them. It makes me feel sick when I think about the fact I cannot 100% protect them from this. They are resilient, but I'm angry with myself I didn't see it coming before. I also hate that my husband has to remain vigilant all the time to protect our kids from me. I try not to let this aspect eat at me too much, but it is definitely the hardest part.

My confidence is definitely shaken, but I'm stronger in some ways than I was before. It has also affected my work life which is sad to me. I took great pride in my work and I hated leaving it behind. I feel like I will need to build my own company if I ever decide to work again and that feels a bit daunting and scary at the moment, but it also excites me a little.

My focus has been very sharp, but I've been hyperfocused on my health. I look forward to being able to spread my energy around a bit more in the future.