I feel the same way basically.

I've learned some things about myself in the 55+ years since I first started therapy. Probably would have done that anyway, in different ways.

I still do not want to live, much. I do not know how to participate and/or contribute in human society very well and have no clue how to get a better clue. Therapists don't either is my conclusion -- they don't have the knowledge, skills, or methods to reliably help someone with issues like mine. Perhaps I could have found a needle in a haystack who could have helped, but I doubt it and a lifetime is not infinite.

Time to move on, to look elsewhere . . .