I am having trouble dealing with obsessive thoughts whenever I see anything to do with vaping. Ads. News articles. These stories. I see Juuls for sale at gas stations. The reason they’re a trigger is my beau can’t give it up. It became a big source of argument for us. He said he’d quit, then he was hiding it. Then he got bitter about quitting (even though he didn’t) and when I’d smell it or he’d take “drives” I’d get paranoid and he really put me down for that. So it’s not the vaping per se. But it’s that reminder that he lied to me and made me feel bad about it. For months. He would use his quitting nicotine as an excuse for being angry or irate or irritable. But when I found out he’d never stopped, I just... it bothers me. It hurts me. And knowing how much it manipulates him makes me uncomfortable. I should note- there wasn’t a need to lie. He quit on his own. It was his decision. So his lying was a decision he made for himself.

Anyhow- it’s just, I get so angry and hurt when I see anything to do with vaping. All these bans and warnings aren’t helping. I do feel nicotine is an addictive substance that can cause health issues. So I do worry about him. He goes through a lot of pods. Plus he chews nicotine gum.

Anyhow I’m venting now I guess. I just don’t know how to process the emotion. The visual trigger makes me feel that hurt again. It’s been two months since the lies.

Even when I got in his car last night to go to dinner, seeing the charging thing for his Juul made my stomach flip.