Thanks. I agree there's "more" than the relationship itself but Iīm vigilant about how the connection feels as I saw a T for a whole year although I felt already in the beginning we werenīt a match. I donīt want to go there again just because there are so few options.
I have already presented to her what I want and need to work on as they ask for background info before you actually meet with a T. I think six months is way too much time to evaluate if a T can be helpful or not or if she might change her approach. Iīve been in that position and I let months pass, I now and then talked to that T about how I felt and hoped for a change but that didnīt come.
Itīs true I can leave later but after several months they wonīt offer me a new T, then itīs better to be open about what I think works and what does not from the beginning.
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Originally Posted by GeekyOne
I wonder what would happen if you stopped talking about "the relationship" and about how she operates and pushed forward into what else is going on for you.
I mean, let's face it: you've only seen her a handful of times - there's not much relationship.
And, because there is not much of a relationship, asking or expecting her to change her normal procedures and so on is just going to get her hackles up. Yes, perhaps if she were the perfect T, she could not react like that. But she's also human - and she's not the perfect T. So let's not pretend she is or should be.
So... what if you, internally, decided that she might be worth working with in spite of these other things? What if you decided to try - really try - to focus on the other work you need to do? None of this 4-6 evaluation session nonsense, you can't get far in that amount of time - give it a good six months. As she gets to know you, and your responses to things (other than her), she may well change her ways of speaking or doing.
Or she may not change. But you might find that in spite of that, she can offer you a helpful space to explore other things than her unwillingness to chit chat, or where she keeps the tissues (I know that was a previous T, but the point is the same).
Given the limitations of the public system you're in, this seems like one way to try to move forward. I have done it myself - and yes, perhaps it is not optimal, but is it really worth holding out for the perfect T, who may not even exist?
Put perfect fit aside. Do some work. Figure out if she can help you with the work. You can always leave later.
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