Still quite low today but it was mostly kept at bay because RS stayed home with me. He was in a minor accident yesterday so he decided to take the day off work so he could fix his truck. Then he ended up spending the whole day with me instead. We went to lunch and to the farm market. I took a nap. I didn’t want to get back up but I had to because I needed to get my son from school. Then we went and had dinner. So a nice little day even though I’m depressed.

If I had my way I would be getting back in bed and listening to depressing music but that’s no good for me. So we are watching 31 nights of Halloween on freeform. Right now it’s the Addams family. Then Addams family values and then hocus pocus. And even though I am 32, prime age for seeing all those movies, I never have. So it’ll be nice to relax and watch some movies with RS.

I decided to pay cash to see my pdoc sooner. I have an appt with her on Tuesday. I hope she has some sort of suggestion. I have a box of Emsam left from January that I never took because I felt better pretty quickly. I wonder if she will let me start taking it. It’s the only AD that I’ve taken that has worked and hasn’t made me manic. I’m worried about trying another AD. I don’t want to go mixed. I’m not sure even RS could help me with that. Maybe she will just raise the lamictal. But the other pdoc I saw briefly wouldn’t do that because of the risk of seizures with that and depakote together. So I don’t know. I just know I want to feel better so I can keep my job.