I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hate hearing about professionals who are supposed to help hurting people like that. Somehow because it is supposed to be for the client's "own good" they get away with it. But you are an adult now and it's harder for them to lock you up against your will. You deserve to feel better and you probably do need help, if for no other reason than because of the trauma you suffered.

I would suggest that you contact an outpatient therapist who will do a consultation by phone first. When you talk to her tell her that you are depressed and hurting. I'd tell her that you have had some trauma too, but you don't have to go into details. Then tell her specifically that you aren't suicidal. You don't want to die, you just want the pain to stop. If she seems empathetic, which she should, you could tell her that some of your trauma was in a hospital and that you are afraid of them. Then maybe ask her questions about how she would work with you just to see if you have a good feel for her.

I don't know the laws where you are and you should maybe check, but here they can't hospitalize someone against their will unless they are an imminent danger to themselves or others. That almost always means active suicidal thoughts or plans or being so psychotic that they can't care for themselves. It could maybe mean an eating disorder, but I think that the person would have to be really, really underweight and refusing treatment. Self-harm generally would not count unless it was very deep cuts on top of veins, which then would be more like a suicide attempt. Here a doctor can hospitalize someone for 72 hours or so, but any longer than that would require a court order.

To me based on what you have said, I can't see that any reasonable professional would try to involuntarily hospitalize you. And I can totally understand your fear. My experience with hospitals is not nearly as bad as yours, but I am still terrified about it. I've talked to therapists even about suicidal ideation though and they still have never tried. My doctor suggested it once, but only voluntarily. I told her that I had a safety plan and what it was and she stopped talking about it.