Am I doomed?
I am absolutely terrified. I have been adamant about going to AA for months but can't get more than 3 weeks clean because I am stuck on Adderral. It gives me a euphoric effect and this is always what leads me to pick back up alcohol or drugs. I obsess over it. Take it on an empty stomach with a Tums and caffeine to try to maximize any effect while also trying not to abuse it
Why don't I just stop taking it?
Extremely complicated and unique situation.
Prescribed it for ADHD but that's not the problem.
TERRIFIED. I am naturally obese. Ever since I was a child. Both my parents died super morbid obese. This is my 4th time on Adderral. Twice as a teenager and once in my early 20s I always lost tons of weight on Adderral and had rapid and extreme weight gain when taken off. They took me off when I was 22 and at the age of 30 I was 350 pounds.
So I had gastric bypass surgery. I was rapidly losing weight and I had sober time as a dry drunk. I would have gotten stuck around 200 pounds and been fine. BUT THIS HORRIBLE PSYCHIATRIST PRESCRIBED ME ADDERRAL!! The idiot addict in me took it and started drinking and getting high again. I am a normal 140 pounds right now but I can't stay sober if I have to take this Adderral.
Such an addict that my boyfriend has to administer me one pill a day because otherwise I will just abuse them. When I don't take the Adderral I have extreme sharp hunger pains like I have never heard anyone describe. I am hunched over grabbing my stomach suffering! Plus on top of that the desire to compulsively binge eat aside from the physical discomfort. I can't fit a lot in my stomach because of the surgery but I eat every 30 minutes and would quickly undo my surgery by stretching my stomach back out. I could set a world record for fastest weight gain. My metabolism is destroyed from going all day without eating and only eating small portions for years. When I try to stop the Adderral I gained 2 pounds a day without it.
My fate without the Adderrall would be much worse than the 350 pounds I was before. At least then I could binge eat and be okay for the night. But now I have hunger pains and food obsession so much worse than my morbidly obese days if I dont have the Adderrall.
I have been going to Alcoholics Anonymous reguarly for a long time. I work the program hard but can never stay sober long. I realize now I will never be able to do it if I have to take the Adderral.
My fate without the Adderrall seems worse than jails, institutions and death from addiction though. The only hope I have is for this medication called Vyvanse. It is an amphetamine for ADHD just like Adderral but it also treats Binge Eating Disorder. I have a lot of food issues but I really meet the criteria for that disorder but people have very positive reports on how it helps them with compulsive eating. I have no insurance and with a discount card the Vyvanse costs $300 month but I am just going to pay it.
IF my psychiatrist will give it to me which I think he will. This is a different psychiatrist from the original one that prescribed me the Adderrall even though he knew I was an addict. That psychiatrist was so messed up for doing this to me. But now I am afraid to be honest about my addiction with the new one because he might refuse to prescribe me any medicine that has a potentional for abuse an then my fate is sealed.
I have an appointment next week and am going to ask for the Vyvanse. FEEDBACK PLEASE?
Am I doomed?