Haha I just quoted myself! That's kinda funny. Hehe. But anyways I'm going to give an update on what happened.

So I call my dad and he seems friendly. Then I tell him I'm mad at him and he knows why. Before the first 8 minutes of arguing he hangs up on me because I "interrupted him" but I called him back. And eventually I asked him why he did what he did. Now let me explain.

I have a history of bad therapists that caused me shut off. I had told him I wasn't going to open up to them anymore because they weren't helping. (That's another story though) but none of the others were helping because they were ignorant of my abusive situation and just kept telling me to try to cooperate. And I didnt want help anymore at one point because they had all been useless. My parents picked all of them.

But I chose the one I have now, I made the effort because I knew i couldn't function normally. (Though it also makes me proud not to be normal. Makes me feel special) so my dad told me that he gave out information to my therapist because he thought I wouldn't do it. That I was never going to open and that I didnt really want help. So he needed to do it. (Wonder if he forgot that you work slow with therapy?) And somewhere along the argument he blamed me for picking up personality traits during my traumatic experience even though I didnt choose to have them. He blamed me because I cant understand nor can I confirm that I feel empathy. I told him his behavior was toxic but he told me that that was crap. Then he said my behavior was toxic. So I said "well, kids act like sponges. They will do whatever their role models do. So really, who's fault is that?".

And the whole time he wanted me to see his "good intentions". Even though I found them degrading. He even told me that even though his abusive parents did bad stuff they had good intentions and he could understand them. That some of the things they did were embarrassing.
What he didnt understand was that it wasn't embarrassing for me, it was infuriating! IM NOT HIM! I eventually just hung up on him when he promised he wouldn't get involved again.

What he doesn't know was that I've read countless articles on toxic parenting. I know what I'm talking about. He was gaslighting me, YELLING at me, victimizing himself, and antagonizing me. That IS toxic. And he wouldn't take full responsibility for his actions.



And the best part? I dont feel empathy, and I'm proud of this fact. I feel no remorse. He deserved it.