I’m on the downhill swing. The better I understand my mind and myself, the more in tune I am with where I am. I’m coming down off a manic phase with lots of energy and impulsivity and action. Sometimes reckless. And now, that familiar slump hits me like a brick wall.

I don’t want to do anything. I don’t really care about anything. My energy is low. But still I feel restless. My anxiety is still pressing in on me. The more I reflect on myself, the more I realize it’s my anxiety truly pushing in on me. The depression is bad, but the anxiety ramps up the more I’m stagnant.

I guess on one hand I should be thankful. I might only wallow in bed for a day or two before I’m too anxious that I’m doing nothing. But it’s still exhausting.

Anyhow, I just wanted to post because I’m feeling pretty alone now. I can’t talk about this to my friends or family because I don’t want them to worry or worse, call me crazy. And they have. And I try to keep this facade up I’m ok. But- even with medication and therapy, I’m still experience bipolar symptoms. I still have lows and highs. I’ve accepted that’s me. And I can live functionally that way. But it’s hard for anyone else in my life to accept it. They just want me to be “fixed”.