Hi Miss Laura,

I am sorry you are feeling so down and so defeated.

In mentioning writing to you, I was only mentioning writing lists, which does not take the ongoing concentration of writing sentences or paragraphs.
You would not have to make a complete list all at once. You could start a list in a notelbook, for instance, and later return to the list and addo to iit?

I am not creative, either. Lol! I am an artistic moron!
Yet, I could find classes in things like "Water Color Painting," "Jewelry Making," etc. It helps me to surround myself with others who are more creative and those who are willing to teach me if I need it.

My grandmother never saw herself as "creative," in any way. I had not known her to be artistic, at all. In her 80's, she took classes on oil painting. She painted truly outstanding paintings immediately! It was amazing! It was something she could have enJOYed her entire life, if she had been open to trying sooner. She had painted a limited number of paintings before she has passed on. It would have been wonderful to have had a painting in each home, which I am sure would have been the case had she lived longer.

I'd wanted to share this story with you, so both you and I might realize we might not know where our talents might flourish until we give it earnest effort. I am guilty of feeling much the way you feel, convincing myself that I have no creative talent at all. This is likely not entirely true. We must try things in order to find our talents.

Volunteering can be a very rewarding activity! you say you like it and also say you are done with it. I find this confuising. Can you clarify?

You mention your anger.
Have you ever been able to take anger management classes?
Is your anger always there and ready to explode or does it change at times?

How does your counselor talk about your anger? Does your counselor help you to identify reasons/triggers for your anger?

What does help, even a little bit when your anger is starting to surface?

Do you know if your anger is related to a change in mood?
Some people with BP almost always feel agitated and , often angry, when they become hypomanc, for instance. Are you usually in a certain place with your mood when you feel the most anger surfacing?

Why can't you work on doing something different, or opposite, when you feel your anger surfacing? I think we can all work on doing the opposite of how we feel. We just need to be willing to try this with the true intention of following through.

When I read your post, I feel like you are giving up. I hope you will be willing to try something (again) to help yourself, out of self-love. I am sure your family does not want you to give up. The PC family wants to see you succeed, too.

I hope both you and I will try to find our creative sides. I also hope you will invest in yourself by simply listing some healthy activities you can do if/when you are feeling self-destructive..

I can only encourage you, You have to be willing to help yourself. I do hope you choose to explore more healthy actions, Miss Laura!

We are here for you!