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There are days when I believe I know us very well. There are others when I feel I am totally clueless. The strange thing is that both are right. Considering everything I am pretty aware of what is going on in my head and my life. However, there is just no way to predict what tomorrow will bring.

I know what the weaknesses are. They are many and I don't accept them as just part of life. I want them corrected...all of them. I understand this is unrealistic but it is what I work towards.

In my life, as an adult, there is no one whose opinion I respect who provides negative comments. Most comments are positive. I find that these comments are harder to accept than the negative ones were as a child.

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You say that you don't respect those who give negative comments but what if there have been many who have all said the same thing? Can I continue to live in denial. Surely, they all can't be wrong? Besides, when you already hate yourself as much as I do, then what's another 3 or 4 reasons to add onto the already substantial negative things about oneself. I was obviously clinging to the hope that they were all wrong when all along, it was me. I need to accept myself for who I really am, with ALL my faults, even if some of them are really hard to imagine. But in the end, it's still self-hatred, it's just more reasons to hate myself. Doesn't make much difference in the end anyway.