Oh, wow... I am so sorry that you went through that. Under the circumstances, yeah, of course you're terrified about trying therapy! I would be too!

I also think that Maybeblue is right, it's harder to lock up an adult, and you're not saying anything that would get you locked up.

Are you going to be able to choose your own therapist (i.e. do you have insurance, or are you able to self-pay - versus having to go to a clinic where you'll be assigned to someone)? That should help some. Just remember, you are in control now. You can fire your therapist. You can walk out of a session. You can pick (hopefully!) who you'll see, and what you tell them.

I think this might sound a bit corny, but you're going to need to lean hard into your intuition when you talk to potential new therapists. Like, how do they react to you... do they seem reasonable and caring? Are they willing to listen and help you plan ways to deal with your emotions when you're overwhelmed?

Personally, I usually like to ask lots of questions at a first session (or on the phone) to try to figure out if we'll work well together. But, it doesn't always work out. I usually find I have to watch HOW they react to my questions, rather than what they specifically say. Like, are they impatient or stressed when I ask something? Are they easily offended? These are people that probably won't work well with me, no matter what they actually *say* as a response.

(I also tend to screen people out who talk a lot without answering the question, but that might not be relevant for you.)

If it helps reassure you at all... I've seen a LOT of therapists (over the last ~20 years or so), and in some cases was actively self-harming, but was not *ever* hospitalized. Not even voluntarily, but certainly not involuntarily. Lots of discussions around medication (which I refused), but nothing was forced on me.

You might want to check online and see if you can find out what the requirements are in your location for having people committed? Maybe knowing where that line is would be helpful?

Again, I'm so sorry that you went through all that. Honestly, it sounds horrific and really traumatic. I hope you can find somebody amazing and trustworthy to talk to!